Aftermath
by twisted-wisdom
Summary: Claire feels weak and scared after she returns from the artic. Will she stay feeling this way or will a friend be able to help her through? Set after Code Veronica, Claire POV


**I don't own Resident Evil yada yada yada...This is my first Resident Evil fan fic so please give me some feedback. Thanks. **

**Claire's P.O.V.**

My hands are still shaking. It's been almost a month since my last escapade with Umbrella. It started out with me being a prisoner on an unchartered island, and ended with my brother Chris saving my ass before it turned into a popsicle in my detour to the arctic. I lost someone that I really cared about. True I'd only known Steve Burnside for a few hours, but I couldn't fight the sense of loss that surrounded me. I tried to focus my attention elsewhere. Wether it was on future plans our refuge team was making, or tiny meaningless details of random things that caught my eye. Anything to avoid my thoughts. The only time I couldn't hide from myself is in my sleep.

The dreams are still as vivid as the first night. I still relive the horrors of Raccoon City, along with the island and the arctic. I still cry out and wake with tears running down my face. At first the others would rush in to help me. Now it's just something that they've accepted and avoid. They act like it doesn't happen, they act like I'm fine. I know other wise. I don't bother to hide what I feel anymore. I don't have to hide everything to be strong. I know that I'm scared shitless of what's to come. I know that I fear what's in the dark because I know what lingers in the shadows. And I know that I'm haunted by my past. I'm strong because in knowing all of this, I still fight. Because there is something in me stronger than all that fear; rage. I will fight with everything that I have. These bastards stole my life away from me! I will do everything I can to take them down, even if I get killed in the process. I don't fear death, not anymore. I've seen with my own eyes that there are worse things than dying.

I shake my head and get off my bed. I'm in a tiny room that I share with Rebecca Chambers, a medic that was on Bravo team when the S.T.A.R.S. first found out Umbrella's dirty little secrets. She's a genius and way too insightful for my liking. She sees more of me then the rest of them. She knows exactly what I do and why I do them. I love Becca like she was my sister, but I hate her for knowing me so well. Unable to stay in the room any longer, I creep past my sleeping friend and open the door as quietly as I can.

It's very early. There is only the tiniest glimpse of the sun rising on the horizon. It was Barry's idea that we venture South. I'm not sure exactly where we are, only that we are along the ocean and that we are still in Europe. Chris and Jill rented this house under fake identities. It already came with some furniture, so no one was sleeping on the floor. We've been here a little over two weeks. If Umbrella knew where we were, they were leaving us alone for the time being. Part of me was glad for the break, the other part wishes that the evil assholes would hurry up and get here. I smile at the thought of what I would do if they would show up here. Let's just say that there would be a lot less leaving then what showed up.

There isn't anyone else awake in the house. I pull my Beretta from my shoulder holster to make sure it's loaded. I also have a Browning in a thigh holster, and a knife in an ankle sheath. I've never really been good at knife play, but after everything I've been through, I decided that a knife is a good thing to have handy. Besides I've been practicing when I find time and I'm doing a lot better if I do say so myself. Once I make sure that everything is loaded and in place, I unlock the deadbolt and go outside.

One thing that I like about where we are, is the fact that there is a pier right by the house. It's not very big, but It's a place that I can go to get out of the crowded house. I walk down the familiar path and to the end of the dock. There is a gentle sloshing of the waves and a light breeze hits me in the face. It's always so easy to forget everything in a moment like this. There aren't too many moments that I can spare to just let my guard down. When I find one, I grasp it and use it fully. I close my eyes for a split second and imagine what my life would have been if I stayed in my dorm that faithful night many moons ago.

Would I be putting on the finishing touches on a paper, drinking coffee like it was the only thing keeping me alive? Would I have a boyfriend? Would I spend my weekends hanging out with my friends, going to movies and hitting the local clubs? What would I be doing with my life? Would everything really be so much better being kept in the dark from the worlds evils?

No. I open my eyes to see the sun's rays make the water glitter. My life would be meaningless if I wouldn't have gone to look for Chris. This is who I am now. This is my purpose. Someone has to stand and fight. I have to do everything I can to make sure that Umbrella is stopped once and for all. I turn to go back inside but stop in my tracks. Leon is standing there, waiting for me. He's wearing that same stupid crooked grin he gets when he's around me. I find it almost impossible not to feel okay when he's around. We went through the horror of Raccoon City together. We may have not been together the entire time, but knowing that there was someone else out there, alive, and fighting, it really helps you to continue to keep going.

"Morning," I say unable to stop that same goofy grin, from appearing on my face.

"Back at ya ," he begins to walk down the dock to where I'm at. "I think that you've been hiding long enough Claire." That grin faded away and I knew that things were about to go to a place I was trying to avoid.

"I'm not sure what you mean," I say in an attempt to play dumb. I already knew that it wouldn't work. Leon knew me all to well.

"Don't you?" He rested up against the railing. "Claire you've been completely different since you've gotten back from the arctic. I know that must have been hard, but I want you back. I feel like I don't even know you anymore."

I stand next to him. I had no idea that he thought this. "I'm sorry, is that what you want to hear?"

He shook his head. "I just want to talk to you, really talk like we used to. You were the person that I depended upon Claire. Who am I supposed to count on while your off hiding from yourself?"

Damn. I've never heard a guy admit that they needed someone. I don't even think that I'd ever heard a guy talk about their feelings before. The fact that Leon was doing it now must mean that I must have really left him out to dry. Still I couldn't stop myself from saying what I was thinking.

"There is a whole house full of people Leon. Why do I have to be your crutch? Do you ever stop to think that I need to take care of myself before I worry about holding anyone else's hand?"

His face held shock, something that I rarely saw anymore. I felt like an ass for my words. "Fine, if that's how you feel about it and feel about me." He began to walk away from me.

I grabbed his arm and twisted him around roughly to face me. "I'm sorry okay! I'm sorry that I let you down! I'm sorry that I seem to be holding people back or making people worry about me! I'm just fucking sorry!"

There were tears running down my face. Leon hugged me tightly. I wanted to pull away from him and run. I felt so weak about crying. Damnit! I was supposed to be strong! Right now I didn't feel strong. I felt like a little kid that was crying to her parents over a bad dream that they just had. Only I can't wake up from mine, I'm living a nightmare. I knew that I just had to let it out. That's what kept me here, on this dock, clinging to Leon like he was the only solid thing on the planet. I soaked his shirt with my tears yet he didn't complain once. He stood there and held me while I cried because I didn't know anything else to do. He patted me on the back and whispered soothing words into my ear. Finally my sobs subsided and I pulled away from him. I dabbed at my eyes gently trying to save what modesty I had left. He just stood there staring at me, and there was something in his eyes that I really didn't expect to see. Respect.

"Don't look at me like that," I mumbled unable to look at him when I said it.

"Like what?"

"Like you respect me. Like you look up to me or some shit, I don't know."

He laughed. "Why can't I respect you?"

That made me look up at him. His face was utterly serious. "I just completely lost it! Where were you?"

His featured softened and the respect in his eyes faded to something that I couldn't read. "Claire, you are one of the strongest and bravest people that have ever walked on this planet. How many people would do what you do? How many people would stand up and fight against the biggest company in the world, knowing that their chances of success are slim to none? You do it anyway and you put on a brave face everyday for the rest of us. Once in a while you just need some kind of release. So tell me what is really so wrong with that?"

When he put it like that I really couldn't find anywhere to object. "But the rest of you don't go and break down like I just did."

"Don't think that you are the only one that cries Claire. Besides," he says as he grabs my hand, "you've been through so much more than we have. Don't you think that you are entitled to at least one meltdown?"

I didn't know what to say so I said nothing at all. He stood there, silent holding my hand. I wish that I knew how to make everything better. I wish I knew how to deal. I wish that I knew how to make the nightmares stop at night. I wish I knew but I don't. I heard the door open to the house. I turned my head to see Jill and Rebecca walking out. Leon dropped my hand like it burned. I don't think that they saw us out here, and if they did they didn't acknowledge it.

"Hey Leon?" I asked, my voice at a whisper.

"What?"

"Do you really think that we can do this? Do you think that we can honestly stop them?" I hated the fact that my voice shook.

He smiled. "The odds are stacked so high against us you wouldn't think that we could." My hopes began to fall. "But what are the odds that we would get this far? What are the odds that we would get through everything that has happened? Claire it's happening to us for a reason. It's because we can do it. We have to."

I felt a smile creep up on my face. "You're right."

"Are you ready to go back inside?" He asked me.

I nodded my head. He turned to walk away. Before he got too far away I reached out and grabbed his hand. He turned to look at me with a puzzled expression. I only smiled and laced my fingers with his. I walked towards the house, Leon in tow, with a new feeling. I knew that I was afraid and I knew that the horrors I'd faced would never leave me. I'd fight and I would help bring light to the shadows. I would help uncover the biggest conspiracy ever. And if I die fighting, well I'll make sure that I take some Umbrella son of a bitches with me.


End file.
